The D Card

Melissa Blake

Melissa Blake is a blogger / journalist from Illinois whom I have never met and yet have known for a couple of years through e-mail and Facebook. She describes herself as a spunky, cat-loving woman who doesn’t hold anything back. Unbeknownst to her, she is partially responsible for The D Card.

As I’ve said before, this blog originally started as a class assignment, but what I’ve never admitted is that I’d thought about blogging about disabilities since 2009. My desire to be a blogger was matched only by my nervousness and embarrassment. I wondered why anyone would want to read it, and I wrestled with the idea of writing about disabilities after spending more than 20 years identifying with the able-bodied population. Then I saw Blake’s blog, So about what I said…, and I was inspired. I became determined to try to talk about life with a disability with the same honesty and spirit.

I am not the only person to be touched by her writing. Her content and her voice seem to resonate with readers, and less than three years into her blogging career, she has almost 3,000 subscribers and makes money through sponsors. “I began my blog in November of 2008,” she said. “I noticed there were tons of love and dating blogs, but I’ve never come across any that dealt with looking for love with a physical disability.” I was lucky enough to interview her by phone this past weekend. Like her blog, our conversation centered mainly around romance.

Born with Freeman-Sheldon Syndrome, the 30-year-old Blake has first-hand experience with searching for love with handling her disability. Freeman-Sheldon Syndrome is a genetic bone and muscular disorder that results in distinct facial features and malformations in the hands and feet. Scoliosis is possible as well. To fix her muscles, joints, and bones, Blake has had approximately 26 surgeries to date, the last of which when she was 15 years old.

Though she lives at home with her mother and younger sister — “The only things I need help with are getting dressed in the morning and preparing meals, since I can’t reach all the stuff in our kitchen,” she said — Blake is independent, working as a newspaper advisor at her alma mater, Kishwaukee College, and submitting freelance journalism articles in addition to her blog posts. Yet, she’s dedicated in her pursuit of romance, like any other young woman. “People with disabilities are people first. We’re a lot more similar to able-bodied people than people think.”

The readers of her blog, able-bodied and disabled alike, have generally been supportive. A fan-favorite feature of her blog is her Letters to My Future Husband. The hypothetical spouse is called Sweet Pea at the beginning of each letter, and just as she has no specific name for her future husband, Blake has no wish list of qualities — physical or otherwise — that her spouse should possess. “He’s just a blank slate,” she said. “I’m pretty open.” Her lack of prejudice is likely the silver lining of an FSS diagnosis. “My disability has made me open-minded and accepting. I’m very loyal.” Still, there are dark clouds that complicate any potential relationships, too. “The biggest challenge would be that I won’t be able to have kids,” Blake admitted.

Marriage and kids are a way off. Right now, Blake focuses on the perfect date: a movie, probably a romantic comedy (her favorite genre). In fact, in one video blog post, she casts herself and her various crushes in a movie. Jake Gyllenhaal, Adam Brody, and Mathew Perry in the same film? That sounds like a crowd pleaser (so long is the crowd is predominantly women). In a gutsy move that’s in accordance with Blake’s confidence, she plays herself. Her hair is reminiscent of Glee’s Jayma Mays or Julia Roberts, star of Blake’s favorite film, My Best Friend’s Wedding. Interesting, then, that Blake’s film of choice is one where (spoiler alert!) the main character doesn’t get the guy.

So there is a darker side to Blake. For those when her life’s rom-com script gives way to a more dramatic film, Blake says she gets through it by slowing down and trying not to worry about the big “what if?” questions. This isn’t easy, and a negative anonymous commenter doesn’t help, but through the support of her readers and her family, she’s come through it and is encouraging others to get the help they need. Now the optimism is back full-force. “I’ve learned to accept myself and be comfortable with who I am. I still have days when I get frustrated by little things, but I don’t let it get me down for long.”

Looking into the future, she has a few goals. “I’d like to see my blog grow, and I’d like to stay in my current job. I’d like to fall in love.”

Blake’s disability is rare, but she, as a woman and a writer, is rarer still.